Witness to Change

As I sat upon my bed this morning sipping my aromatic coffee,

suddenly it was yesterday, but not just any yesterday.

Yesterday appeared to be hours gone by, yet in reality it was 50 years!

My eyes closed in a moment of contemplation and there I was seven years old watching the waves crashing on the beach in front of our little house on stilts.

Yesterday was suddenly today deep in my past!

What happens to time as we age?

How can moments be so present, when they are really locked away in the mind?

Here again I remind myself that I am present here sitting on my bed sipping my coffee, loving every second that moves by at the speed of light.

As a teacher I am there to hold the space.

I am the planter of the seed of curiosity.

I am watching that I no longer define my ego by my success as a teacher.

I will be there to remind you of your progress.

Progress can be subtle or it can be pronounced and even transforming.

I have been reminded by teachers that I hold in high esteem that they are not the begin all or end all of all wisdom.

Wisdom is a collective hive of knowledge.

The Yoga of knowledge comes with the experience of my practice.

All right! All right! I am not superman and not supergirl. The speeding bullet has been fired and it is change. Somehow change can never be out run. There is no where to hide from it, although there are those who will pretend to hide from it. Change is disguized as choas, or is it that choas is change.

I am repeating myself I am sure. From the whirling depths of the cosmos up popped change in it’s many forms. I ventured to a wordcamp live stream yesterday and was given a glimpse into a world that I didn’t know the language. It was about the changes forthcoming in technology. The language used was that of code. Spell the words out for me! Yikes, I’m firmly rooted in my failure to learn Fortran in college. Yet I am willing to jump I to this swirling world and at least try to hear their language of change. API?

I remember that in 6th grade (in Alaska), we were gather together in our gym/auditorium to hear about the new devic e the size of a room,”the Computer”. It was to be our future. We laughed! And here it is now. My grandchildren play on them. Ah change. I remember my grandmother talking about the first airplane she saw. Now I am attempting to get my 85 year old mother to skype and answer emails. A swirling abyss of mind boggling change. She has to move from a finger tapping typewriting to a touch screen laptop. She has to grapple with antivirus programs and what is spyware anyway.

My children expect change, and I am keenly aware of how much change has happened since I was a child. I even remember experiencing the excitement of Statehood in Hawaii. Crazy! Now I watch the impending world war of the modern crusades. I reflect upon my 11th grade world history class and my then gratitude for not having to live through such terrible times. Change is the failure to even understand our past. I must embrace change and not run from it. But we are all able to question the change that may be thrust upon us.

Once it was wanting to stand up with the best in my profession. Once my ego was fuelled with the desire to be noticed. Once I felt as if I was a reservoir of knowledge. Always I wanted to be of assistance. Many times, I wondered what that meant.All it took was breaking me ankle. Letting someone know that I had problems seeing in the dark and trusting that person would guide me safely to the start of our walk. Those actions left me engulfed in fear for many years. That event began a series of many changes that left me vulnerable to chaos. Chaos always brings change which may not be to your liking.

Chaos makes change. Like a fast moving storm, just getting out of the way takes all of strength a lifetime has created and then some. Now the focus of my life is forced to change. Having to depend on others feels like failure and not comfortable. There is no self reliance anymore. but there are people who will step up. Thank the many gods that guard our space. Just remember that the ghosts of your past will surface from time to time.

Having completed my college education during a major recession, choosing a new direction in life takes courage and my courage was tempered by a young daughter. The nagging guilt of failure to meet american success is always complicated by both marital status, family status and familial status. I felt I was  the first divorce and the first to graduate from college. All not true of course, but we do lie to ourselves. A story may become mythic fact or urban fantasy.

Some how we keep redoing the issues that started years previously. Alone in the sea of life and looking for a new oar and a new direction to take to get to shore. I should have reminded myself that missteps are bound to happen.

a series of thoughts to clear my mind.via Blogger: Blogger Dashboard.